piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
