yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
