I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize