I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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