Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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