remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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