My first STD was from a foam party
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
