French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
