Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
