I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
