imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
