OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize