i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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