So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
