Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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