did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
