No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
