he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize