Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
