She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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