Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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