I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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