I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize