How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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