i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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