fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's the barista slut.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
