I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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