We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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