he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
