Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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