i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
