Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
