I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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