yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
