He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i now understand why vodka
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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