Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
