Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
