Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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