Pants 0. Shit 1.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize