I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
