dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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