if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
