If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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