You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
