i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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