I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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