If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
