Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
