Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
