Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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