Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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