shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
