I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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