Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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