I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
