i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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