Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
