Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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