Do you still have your period?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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