dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
