WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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