i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
