I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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