You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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