Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
