He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
