And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize