He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
