What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
