My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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