New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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