I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
