He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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