you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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