Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
