You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
